When I try my best to just take a deep breath and calm myself down it rarely works, but it’s a great start. The urge to break down crying is still there. I would let it out but I know that it isn’t helpful, it’s unneeded, and I’m more than likely being way to over emotional due to the excess hormones coursing through my body. If I start, I’m not going to stop for over an hour and I don’t want to be that much of a wreck, especially when I know that the feelings are not justified.
90% of the time I know I’m being unreasonable and that I just need to breathe and find something to focus on until I can calm down enough to speak my mind. That other 10% of the time I allow myself to let go and become that wreck because it allows anything thing else that has built up to flow freely and sometimes I just really need to cry. Rarely are my problems really about what set them off. Just pent up emotions or thoughts that I had pushed away and didn’t realize effected me so much.
When I was around 14 my go to way to deal with any of my problems was to run away, ignore them, lock myself in the bathroom, cut, listen to music to the point that I was deaf the next day, and slam doors. I’m a bit ashamed to admit that some of those behaviors carried on once I hit adult hood and became in a relationship. I would lock myself in the bathroom, listen to music, and just become over the top with anger and “It’s not my fault! It’s YOUR FAULT” mentality. I never apologized. Seriously I never did. These behaviors never helped solve the issue or smooth it over, instead they always made it worse.
I’m not sure what changed, but I do know that shortly after moving in with Jeremy, I began to change. The way I deal with things changed. I recognized a few days ago just how much I’ve changed with the way I handle my emotions and frustrations. Sure sometimes I can make a smart ass angry comment, but more often than not I try to breathe, leak a few tears, and work through what it is I’m really feeling and what I want to say.
Which brings me to one of my main purposes for writing this. When I’m upset my house get cleaned. That two week old pile of clean laundry in the basket? Folded and put away. The dishwasher that needs unloaded? Done. Counter tops and appliances get wiped down. I can never manage to scrub the shower though. I just hate that.
This is not to say that I don’t enjoy cleaning my house regularly or that I’m always upset when I do clean, but the things I’ve been putting off get done and it makes me feel better. It allows me enough busy work, time, and distraction, to focus on the real issue.
For example, the other day I was not upset because it felt like Jeremy didn’t want to help me with a problem I was having that I e-mailed him about. A topic that I was pretty excited over and was waiting for him to get home so that he could help me. No, the problem I had was that he had snapped at me before I even gave him a response when he asked me to come over and introduce the topic (thus clarifying what my issue was). It was the tone he used with me.
So after figuring that out we were able to quickly see that it was just a big misunderstanding. He had a stressful day and was confused by my e-mail and things just kinda hit him. Thus spiraling out of control a bit when I told him I was a little busy and having things escalate from there. It wasn’t anything I had done.
If I find that even cleaning and breathing don’t work I go lay on the bed and just let the tears fall until the emotion is over and I can think clearly again. A nap usually helps too.
Overall I’m really happy about noticing this change and that I’m able to try and work toward the truth of the issue rather than the disguise that covering it. I’m happy that I’m dealing with things in a constructive manner that benefits not just myself but the people around me as well. That I’m mature enough to stop slamming the damn doors, which have sometimes slammed back into me. I deserved it I’m sure.
How do you deal with your emotions?
I didn’t forget to do one of these last week. I was just off enjoying our babymoon so much that I just didn’t bother. One week, two weeks, or even for the rest of the weeks missing won’t matter. Gotta enjoy myself first!
FUCK YEAH CAPSLOCK! is my current feeling right now, well was my feeling last night as I was playing Guild Wars anyways. Right now the Canthan New Year events are going on which is sort of the same as the Chinese New Year. Basically it’s a time to do quests, earn some sad loot, and just gives you something to do.
Part of the event includes getting Lunar Fortunes, which are only available during the even. Each fortune gives you the chance to open one of eight prizes contained inside. Most of the items are junk like sparklers, fireworks, 100 gold, that sort of thing and have a high drop rate.
You might be saying, “Why bother then?” since a majority of the drops are crappy. Well one of the eight prizes is a celestial zodiac animal mini-pet to show off. The animal you get depends on the current animal zodiac year, this year being the Year of the Dragon.
Now in case you didn’t know my Chinese zodiac animal is an Earth Dragon. Perhaps you can see why I bothered this year now. I wanted that dragon! However I was a little disheartened because the drop rate is a 0.5% chance to get the mini-pet. Fuu 
Still I played just for the fun of it and to kill some time since insomnia has been running my life.
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Persistence paid off because I managed to get my dragon after opening around 20-30 lunar fortunes. I squee’d and shouted (in game as Jeremy was sleeping) and told everyone in the district of my victory. I’m still happy. Sure he may not look the grandest, but getting drops like that never happens to me. 
Hello! My name is Dez and I just happen to be your not so average twenty-three year old gamer geek girl. I'm married to an equally geeky husband, Jeremy. After many years of fighting infertility we have unlocked the pregnancy achievement and are expecting our first.
In the meantime we already obtained the furkid achievement as we love, play with, cuddle, and sometimes scold an insane dog named Leo as well as our lovely kittens Stryker and Kitana.
As for myself I'm a lover of video games, Hello Kitty, not blowing up my kitchen in an attempt to be a chef, and pretending to be a photographer. Learn more about me!
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